Saturday, November 27, 2010

Just hangin' with the girls

Last Wednesday night my roommate, Si Yu, and I went to Walmart to eat dinner. We ran into Xiao Man and her friend Yang Yang and decided to eat together. This was the first time I had ever met Yang Yang, and I noticed that she really didn't look "Chinese". If I saw her in America I would think that she was American. When I told her she looked "American", she freaked out. She was really happy and kept rubbing it in the other girls faces. I guess it's a really good thing to look American. Throughout the whole evening she kept asking me if I thought she was pretty, which she was, and her excitement grew each time.

While we were eating I listened to all the girls discussing their boyfriend issues, and realized that all three of them were in fights with their boyfriends. They then asked how my relationship was going with my own boyfriend and when I reported that mine was great they immediately said it was because he is American. I laughed. For awhile. I tried explaining that American boys aren't perfect like they think and they said that because they are all so handsome that it's okay. I laughed at that too. I do not agree. :)

After we ate, we decided to go to Yang Yang's hotel room. I was really confused by this because I thought she lived in Yanqing, and she does. I asked a few more clarifying questions and found out that Yang Yang lives with her boyfriend in his parent's house, and because they are fighting, she decided to move out for a month and rent a hotel room. I figured it would be really expensive and when asked, she responded that it was actually only 1000 yuan for the whole month. That is $150! for a whole month! I was pretty impressed at the bargain price and really couldn't believe it was so cheap. That is like a million times cheaper than renting a place at home. Of course, I always compare everything here to prices at home, and really you can't do that because living expenses are so much different.

When we opened the door to Yang Yang's hotel room, my mouth literally fell open at A) how big the room was and B) how much stuff she had. I guess I didn't really think about how much stuff you would have to move out, but there were literally 20 bags of clothes strewed around the room. I found a seat on the couch and watched for the next few hours as the girls consumed a large amount of cigarettes (which may I say is the most I have ever seen someone smoke at one time). By the end of the 2 hours, each of them had finished 6, one of them 8! In two hours! Xiao Man was on the phone talking to her boyfriend for about 25 minutes, and I took the time to try to figure out how much Chinese I knew by figuring out what their fight was about. I think I got the big picture and understood about 75% of what she said, which is pretty good for me! I was really surprised about what she did next, which was call her dad and tell him what her fight with her boyfriend was about. I feel like I am really close with my dad, and I often tell him my relationship problems, but I have never seem or heard any of my other friends talk to their parents about relationships at home. So seeing her do this reminded me of my own family and the countless times I have asked my mom and dad about what to do. What was interesting about her conversation with her father was that when she was done talking, her father told her that he would call her back after talking to the boyfriend. This, my father has never done, nor would I ever want him to. I told this story to the Kenyan teacher and he told me a story about when he broke up with a Chinese girl he was dating here. He said that her mother actually called him on the phone and asked why they were not dating anymore. I couldn't believe it! How awkward that conversation must have been. It is so interesting how involved the parents are in their children's social/dating lives.

After awhile of listening to Xiao Man talk on the phone, Yang Yang got a little restless and dragged one of the large bags onto her bed. She opened one of them and poured the contents out onto the bed-- A HUGE pile of stuffed animals and toys. I asked her why she had so many and giggled, put one arm in the air, and simulated a claw reaching down to grab a stuffed animal. Her eyes lit up as she grabbed an arm full of toys and threw them in the air. The girls took many pictures with the stuffed animals, cigarettes in one hand, and  throwing up peace signs with the other. When I was about to take a picture of them they FREAKED out. I asked why it was such a big deal and they replied in Chinese, "Our boyfriends HATE girls who smoke!  If they knew we smoked, they would dump us!" I often get confused at their logic and this is just another one of those times where I can't figure out why they are doing what they are doing. As we were getting up to leave Yang Yang's room, I noticed that all the cigarette buds were on the floor and that no one had used an ashtray.    I have also noticed that whenever people spill liquids on the floor that no one bothers to wipe it up. This has been really difficult for me here because at home I have never seen anyone leave water or any liquid on the floor on purpose. At the school I live in, this means that all the floors in the teacher's dorms are wet and sometimes it may mean the liquid is urine (super gross).

Monday, November 22, 2010

"When you gotta go, you gotta go"

I experienced this saying for the first time on Sunday when I was on a bus that was going to Beijing from visiting my mom's friend. We were originally going to take the train back to Beijing, but we found out that the tickets were sold out, so the options we had were to stand on the train for the two hours that it took to get to Beijing, or  to take a bus to Beijing that took three hours. I opted for the three hour bus ride because I had only gotten less than 4 hours of sleep the night before. Little did I know that I would pay for that decision later.

Before departing from my mother's friends house, our host was so hospitable that he kept refilling our tea cups with more tea, regardless of the fact that we told him that we should not drink more because we had to take the bus soon and could not use the bathroom once we were on the bus. So, after many cups of tea, I used the restroom and we left for the bus. After much confusion of where the bus would be departing from, we finally decided to take a later bus so we could use the restroom one more time. While waiting for the bus to depart, we were informed that it would actually take four hours instead of three hours to get to Beijing. I was a little worried about the restroom issue, but hoped that I would be okay until we got to my sister's house in Beijing. For the first hour of our bus adventure we sat in the same spot because of traffic and lane closures. This prolonged our bus-taking-time to five hours instead of four. I was now getting a little worried because five hours is a REALLY long time when you have to use the bathroom. As time wore on, I started to panic about my options for using the restroom, which seemed impossible because we were stuck in traffic and there were no rest stops in sight. It soon became evident that if I did not figure something out fast, that I would literally pee my pants. Now this may seem funny to you (and me) now, but at the time I was pretty freaked out. Up until that day I had never really urinated in public before. Actually, I have never urinated in public before. A few times when I went camping, but that was a totally different situation. What I was thinking about doing was peeing on the bus. Do you understand? I don't think you do. My decisions were these: Don't try to figure out how to do it so no one notices or pee your pants. So really, either way I was going to do it. The difficult part was figuring how I was going to do it without the whole bus seeing it happen. I was lucky the sun had already set and it was dark. The man sitting across from me however had his overhead light on, so it was pretty bright. I turned around to see who was behind me and it was this guy in his twenties listening to music. There was really no way I could do this without anyone seeing. So, I threw inhibition out the window and dug through my purse to find a plastic bag I had saved to cover my bike seat so ice would not form on the seat in the mornings. I stuffed the scarf my mother had made for my sister into the bag because I knew if I hadn't, people would hear it. Then, I just sat there. Although it felt like an eternity, it was probably only a minute or so. I couldn't believe what I was about to do and hoped and prayed no one would look at me or say anything. After I was done, I sat there with the biggest grin on my face. I was so proud of myself. You have no idea. I am sure the people sitting around me knew what was going on. I feel like there is no way you could not. Regardless, no one said anything, thank g-d. And that my friend, is the story of when I peed on the bus. :)

Boy troubles

I woke up last night to my roommate's crying and sniffling. I guessed it was about her boyfriend because that is the only reason she is ever upset. I pretended to be asleep, but it was hard to fall back asleep, knowing she was crying to her boyfriend next to me. This morning we talked about why she was so upset and I asked if it was her boyfriend and she gave me a sad puppy face and nodded. She said it was many small things that added up to become one big problem and when she wanted to talk about it more with her boyfriend, he didn't answer his phone because he was sleeping. She said she called many times until he picked up because she was so upset that she couldn't sleep. I told her that my boyfriend is the same way when we disagree and she was happy to know that she wasn't alone. We bonded over the fact that it doesn't make sense to us that boys can sleep when we are still upset with each other, yet girls cannot just go to sleep and pretend nothing is wrong. I read about this in the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" in 11th grade for my Relationships class. I learned that men go to their caves, and women like to talk. It's so interesting to see how similar relationships work in other cultures and that even though many other aspects of relationships may be different, some are always the same.

Monday, November 15, 2010

cultural differences

The same night my roommate and I "got ditched" she asked me many questions about American culture. Her first questions were about having children and why Americans didn't want to have kids. I was baffled that she had asked me that because A) I never thought about it and B) I guess I always thought Americans did want to have kids. Is this not true? If it's not, where have I been? I told her that I thought Americans DID want to have kids and that of course some people cannot, or choose not to because they want to focus on their careers, etc.. But overall, I have always thought that people want to have kids. I then wanted to know what movies she was watching about Americans not wanting to have kids. Knocked Up? Juno? What? But in the end of all those movies, SOMEONE is keeping a baby..so really I have no idea and she couldn't think of the movie titles. I also want to know what is it about American culture that gives Si Yu and other Chinese people this notion. Another teacher also asked me about this, because I'm guessing she told people. 


Another popular question that I have been asked concerns America parents and how the Chinese cannot believe that they would not don't pay for their children after they turn 18. Many of the younger female teachers were very concerned about this when they brought it up to me. The way they asked with such concern in their voices and their eyes were so sad. It was really cute. I tried to explain that this rumor was true, but not true for everyone. I explained because I have been brought up Chinese that my parents haven't totally cut me off (yet) and that I am happy because I know how hard it is for many of my friends who do not have the financial support of their parents. Then one of the girls shot me the question of the day, "Do you like American way or Chinese way better?" I gave a smile, laughed, and said, "Of course Chinese!" Both girls had big grins on their faces and nodded, like it was the correct answer.  I find that to be the case for many questions they ask me here. It's always like you are being judged for a competition and the correct answer is always the one that makes them look good and happy. So really, the answer for everything is, "The Chinese way is always the better way." 


The girls then discussed how much their parents have given up for them over the years and how they couldn't understand why a parent wouldn't do anything to ensure their child would succeed.  I think what the point the they didn't understand was the concept that there are people who can afford to help their children and chose not to. They kept bringing up people they knew whose parents would choose not to eat to ensure that they got the right books for school, etc. I mean this is a hard concept for me to explain because I totally agree with the Chinese way, but I guess the main point is that American culture values the concept of individualism and the importance of being able to do things on your own. While I think this is important, I also don't see the need to cut them off completely and so young. I think a lot of it just has to do with how you are brought up, and if that is what everyone does if your family/community then it doesn't seem so weird. I read somewhere that most people aren't mature enough or like mentally able or something like that and therefore cannot be financially stable until the age of 25, so pushing them to do so earlier doesn't really help. I'm sure many of you have your opinions about this so you are welcome to share, that is, if you can comment. :)


My roommate told me the other day that her parents got her a car. I got really excited and asked why she wasn't so excited. She said turned to me and said, "But it's not a *sign for Mercedes*!!" I looked at her and was like, "dude, are you kidding me?" Of course I didn't say this, but it was definitely running through my head. 

Monday, November 1, 2010

An awakening

A teacher at No. 11 told me last week she wanted to introduce a foreign teacher to me and I got really excited. I met him the next day (Wednesday) for lunch. His name is Benny and he is from Kenya. His age is questionable, I'm guessing upper 20s and he has been here for a year already and planning to stay through the rest of this one. Lunch went well but he did not try to get my number so I figured that was it. The next day the teacher that introduced us called me again and asked if it was okay for her to give him my number. Of course I said okay, and a few minutes later I received a text from him saying sorry that he did not try to get my number the day before and wanted to know if I was free for dinner because his friend, who was also a foreign teacher, wanted to meet me. So I left No. 7 school around 530PM to meet them at the restaurant we ate at the day before. I met up with both of them and I followed them to a restaurant really far away. Well it wasn't that far away, expect this was the first time that I had rode my bike anywhere besides to No. 11 and back to No. 7. It took around 10 or 15 minutes before we arrived. The dinner went well, there were some awkward times when Benny was on the phone and silence took over Jake and me. Jake is from Michigan by the way, and is 19. The whole time I kept thinking how much my friend Melanie would think he was cute. haha. Anyway, after dinner they showed me how to get back to the restaurant where we met and asked if I could make it back on my own. Considering the lights stop working a minute or two from that restaurant, I asked if they could show me back because it is literally pitch dark for 10 minutes straight until I reach No. 7. They said okay and rode back until I could see my school and left. I don't want to complain, but I guess I am used to my boyfriend always making sure I am home safe and that everything is alright before he leaves me. This was totally different and I was a little disappointed that they didn't care to make sure I got home alright. But what can I expect? I don't know them.

When I got home my roommate asked how my night went and I told her it was good. She asked if they paid and when I replied that we split the check she kinda freaked out. She has asked me about the paying situation before and told me she doesn't like how Americans always must split the check and pay for themselves. She says that is not what friends do and I understand where she's coming from. At home with my girlfriends we do both, and its not really a big deal. But with these strangers that are definitely not Chinese, they do it the American way and where everyone pays, which is totally fine with me. My roommate on the other hand thought it was ridiculous and kept saying, "But THEY invited YOU!"

I text Benny later that night and thanked him for inviting me to dinner and that I had fun. He replied with "It's okay." which I thought was an interesting choice of words, instead of something like "Not at all! I had a blast!" He then text me and said, "after we dropped you off Jake and I went to drink." I wasn't sure how to reply to that since he didn't say "wish you could come" or anything else really, so I was confused on what his point was. I replied with "Well if you want more people next time, I'm down." and he responded with "Yeah! Your roommate can come! It's set, I'll call you tomorrow." I don't think I told you, but all the Chinese girls here are in LOVE with American boys. They talked about the Michigan guy like they were both single and looking, yet my roommate has a boyfriend and her friend is engaged. Oh yeah, I finally figured out the girl's name who I like so much. Well kind of her name. My roommate calls her "Xiao Mun" so that is what I call her too, except I've never actually said her name out loud. Anyway, they were really excited.

The next day (Friday)...
My roommate wakes up and reminds me that we will see the boys tonight. (She was so excited. It was quite funny.) Five o'clock comes around and I don't hear anything from Benny. She asked me a few times already throughout the day if he called. He did not. It's around 7 o'clock when I tell her we shouldn't wait for them to call and to just go and eat something. She was worried that it was getting late and I explained to her that in America people don't usually go out drinking until later, like 10 or 11PM. Her eyes widened, she did a few calculations on her hand, and in a high but soft voice said, "But then that means you will drink into the NEXT DAY!" Up until now I hadn't really thought about how you are really drinking for literally two days, and I guess here she and her friends do not do that.

At dinner Si Yu kept insisting that I check my phone in case they tried to call us, and I assured her that if and when they did, we would hear it. I gave up on them calling at around 7:30PM and figured they knew what their plans were for the night, and if they wanted to include us, they would have let us know by now. Si Yu was getting really upset that they wouldn't even call us to tell us we were not hanging out. She asked why I wasn't getting angry with them and I tried to explain that in America, boys are like this and I guess I just expected that they wouldn't call because some boys are just selfish and regardless of what they said they were going to go, when it comes down to it, they are the only thing that matters. I asked if boys always call if they can't make it in China and she replied with, "ALWAYS!! Not only boys, but girls too!" She couldn't wrap her head around why these guys would tell us they wanted to hang out the night before and just leave us high and dry the next day. I taught her the phrase "We got ditched." It's not that I wasn't bummed that we were ditched, I guess I'm just used to how guys work back at home. They are just not as friendly and welcoming as the Chinese men are here. Being around those guys just reminded me of how individualistic American society can be and made me glad that I am in China where everyone matters and everyone is included. I can feel the love here, more than I ever could back at home. It comes mostly from people you hardly know, not just friends. Like the girl on the bus next to me coming back from BJ. She helped me put my jacket on when she saw I was having a problem. On any bus in Seattle, no one is going to help you with your jacket. It's the little things like that that make me love being Chinese and surrounded by the caring people that live here. What is that anthropological phrase for when you are doing field work and you start to be like them instead of study them? (They talked about it in "Nanny Diaries" and I can't remember. I am not worried, I know my dad will reply with the words. haha.) Well I guess I am Chinese, so it's not the same. I can't believe that I just now realized how Chinese I am and how much I love being Chinese. It's such a good feeling when you are proud  of your heritage and  of an amazing culture that you feel included in. A great self discovery. What a good end to a great day.  :) haha super cheesy.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The life of a Chinese student at No. 7 Middle School

Wake up in the school dorms at 5:45 AM to the sound of Chinese music blaring over the big speakers. Each room that the students live in has 4 bunk beds and sometimes a single as well, meaning there can be up to 9 middle schoolers living in one room. (Ah!) Of course, they are gender separated. Breakfast is from 6:30AM-7AM and cleaning the school is from 7AM-right before class starts at 7:30AM. Classes are 45 minutes long, and include Chinese, English, math, calligraphy, art,  music, physical education and more that I don't know of. (I just realized a few days ago that students practice their big horned instruments in their dorms. Up until then, I always thought the students were constantly rearranging their rooms and the loud noises were from the beds screeching against the floor. But as usual, my ignorance makes for a good laugh.) I have noticed teachers out on the field running around the track with their students during PE. This is much different than home because usually that is the time that teachers have their planning time. But then again, I really don't know when these teachers plan their lessons because their days are so long.

Flag raising is around 7:10AM when I am walking to get my bike to ride to No. 11 Middle School. Everyone stops in their tracks and watches as the flag is raised outside on the field. It's always a beautiful way to start my day.

Lunch time is at 12PM and the Chinese song signals when class is over. On the way to lunch, which the whole school has at the same time, Kenny G is played over loud speakers.  It's interesting and a little odd choice of music to me but I guess it does relax me when I hear it, and that may be their point.

For lunch, the students are allowed to choose between cup noodles and eating what the cafeteria ladies have prepared. I think about 85% of the students eat cafeteria food (which is pretty good btw) and the others eat cup noodles. Also, many of them eat Chinese hot dogs (not the same as American ones) and fried chicken. I'm not sure if that is all they eat for lunch, but I see many many kids eat them everyday. Also, when possible, most people choose to use a big soup spoon rather than chopsticks during meals. I have noticed this and have done the same. I am proud to say that I am now not the slowest eater. :) After lunch they have until 1:30PM (I think) until they must go back for classes.

Afternoon classes run until 5:30PM, when they break for dinner. I'm not quite sure when night classes begin but I think they are around 6:30PM-7PM and last until 9PM. When I go back to the dorms before school gets out I find myself forgetting that the students are still in school and I think they are just asleep. But every night at around 9:03PM I hear roars of laughter and kids screaming in the pitch dark because they haven't installed lighting yet outside. This is especially scary when the kids are still in class and you walk back to the dorms in the pitch dark and silence. Thankfully my mom gave me a flashlight, just in case. :)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Weekend in Beijing at my sister's house!

Saturday morning I left my beloved Yanqing to venture to Beijing for the first time since I arrived in China. Since I don't know my way around the transportation system here, my roommate graciously offered to go with me my first time and when we got to Beijing she would stay with her brother while I would stay with my sister. We first took a taxi to the bus station, which is 5 yuan. Actually it is 5 yuan wherever you go in Yanqing which is really nice. I think I already explained this in a previous post, but as a refresher course, one US dollar is equivalent to 6.6667 yuan. So not too shabby to go anywhere in Yanqing for less than a dollar. Of course, once you buy a bike, it's always free after that. :) Anyway, so once we got to the bus station I found out that you can take any bus at that station and it will go to Beijing. I guess each bus station goes to a different area, which makes it much easier for me to do myself. The bus I need to take to Beijing is 919 and any 919 will do. After about an hour and a half of riding the bus, we finally arrived in Beijing, only to find that all the cabs around us have people in them because it is rush hour. So after about 20 minutes of standing, walking to a new area to wait some more, we finally found a cab. I arrived at my sisters place about two and a half hours after leaving Yanqing--not the easiest and most convenient trip. But once I walked into her home, it was so amazing. I realized that she had a toilet, a shower, and a huge king size bed for me to sleep on, and last but not least, I could order pizza! It was like heaven. I felt like a kid in a candy store. It's crazy how much you miss the little things when you are living in a new country. I am just so thankful I have my sister and rob (the husband) to look after me and be there for me. They have really made this trip and transition that much easier on me, and because I know my sister is one of the few people that read my blog, I would just like to thank her directly. Sarah, you mean so much to me and I really don't know what I would do here without your love and support. I know you tear up really easily, and just thinking about it makes me tear up too. But they are happy tears because of you. 

Anyway, enough with the mussy stuff. So we ordered pizza and pasta and got massages together. It was really nice. Then we went to Rob and Sarah's friends house for a party that had really amazing Moroccan food. There was a lot of meatballs and sausage so I was really happy. Anytime there is meat I am really happy. 

Observation: The Chinese here do not like to make plans. I am struggling with this because at home it is all I do with my friends. Here, people just tell me to wait for them to call me, which is annoying because then I can't do anything all day because I have to wait for their call. I mean I guess I don't really have anything to do all day except teach and eat, but still, its frustrating because I can't do laundry (by hand may I add) or take a nap without being paranoid that I will have to leave at any moment. They also do not like waiting. I mean no one likes to wait, but they expect you to be ready whenever they call, which is hard and inconvenient. This is why I like to know when you would like to see me or give me a time when you would like to leave. But of course, this is not how they do things here. 

So the reason I bring up the making plans issue is because my roommate would not tell me a time that she wanted to leave Beijing. She kept telling me to "get a good rest" and that she would tell me in the morning, but that is annoying because I don't know if she means she will wake me up or that she will call me when she is ready to go, assuming I am ready to go as well. So really, this meant that I had to be up at 830AM on Sunday so I could be ready whenever she called. Not fun. At all.