The same night my roommate and I "got ditched" she asked me many questions about American culture. Her first questions were about having children and why Americans didn't want to have kids. I was baffled that she had asked me that because A) I never thought about it and B) I guess I always thought Americans did want to have kids. Is this not true? If it's not, where have I been? I told her that I thought Americans DID want to have kids and that of course some people cannot, or choose not to because they want to focus on their careers, etc.. But overall, I have always thought that people want to have kids. I then wanted to know what movies she was watching about Americans not wanting to have kids. Knocked Up? Juno? What? But in the end of all those movies, SOMEONE is keeping a baby..so really I have no idea and she couldn't think of the movie titles. I also want to know what is it about American culture that gives Si Yu and other Chinese people this notion. Another teacher also asked me about this, because I'm guessing she told people.
Another popular question that I have been asked concerns America parents and how the Chinese cannot believe that they would not don't pay for their children after they turn 18. Many of the younger female teachers were very concerned about this when they brought it up to me. The way they asked with such concern in their voices and their eyes were so sad. It was really cute. I tried to explain that this rumor was true, but not true for everyone. I explained because I have been brought up Chinese that my parents haven't totally cut me off (yet) and that I am happy because I know how hard it is for many of my friends who do not have the financial support of their parents. Then one of the girls shot me the question of the day, "Do you like American way or Chinese way better?" I gave a smile, laughed, and said, "Of course Chinese!" Both girls had big grins on their faces and nodded, like it was the correct answer. I find that to be the case for many questions they ask me here. It's always like you are being judged for a competition and the correct answer is always the one that makes them look good and happy. So really, the answer for everything is, "The Chinese way is always the better way."
The girls then discussed how much their parents have given up for them over the years and how they couldn't understand why a parent wouldn't do anything to ensure their child would succeed. I think what the point the they didn't understand was the concept that there are people who can afford to help their children and chose not to. They kept bringing up people they knew whose parents would choose not to eat to ensure that they got the right books for school, etc. I mean this is a hard concept for me to explain because I totally agree with the Chinese way, but I guess the main point is that American culture values the concept of individualism and the importance of being able to do things on your own. While I think this is important, I also don't see the need to cut them off completely and so young. I think a lot of it just has to do with how you are brought up, and if that is what everyone does if your family/community then it doesn't seem so weird. I read somewhere that most people aren't mature enough or like mentally able or something like that and therefore cannot be financially stable until the age of 25, so pushing them to do so earlier doesn't really help. I'm sure many of you have your opinions about this so you are welcome to share, that is, if you can comment. :)
My roommate told me the other day that her parents got her a car. I got really excited and asked why she wasn't so excited. She said turned to me and said, "But it's not a *sign for Mercedes*!!" I looked at her and was like, "dude, are you kidding me?" Of course I didn't say this, but it was definitely running through my head.
I can explain to them when I am in town. I think the Chinese way of taking care of kids has one problem: Kids are so used to being taken care of, and so the demand and expectation is often higher than needed. As a result, a car , if it is not a fancy brand, is not so special. On the other hand, the Chinese parents' expectation sometimes is also too high: If you go to college, not only you have to go and be admitted, but you have to go a Ivy League school or other name brand top top school. If you end up in UW or similar, no good enough. Well, the bottom line is they feel: I am paying, might as well get the best out of it. So there is some good thing grails have to envy the Chinese kids about, but also can have a sigh of relief when you realize you don't have to be going to a TOP TOP NOTCH school! See you soon.
ReplyDeleteYou also have to look at it from this perspective. American kids especially teens are incredibly rebellious and in most cases undisciplined. Therefore you can't really blame the parents for cutting them off. It helps to teach disobedient American children to value what they had. Its a cruel method but it does work. Most kids in this country take their freedoms and privileges for granted. I realize that a lot of people cannot grasp this concept because that is not how they were raised. But as Hannah said before its to help develop individualism and independence. The only problem I have with Americans raising their children this way, is that most teens are not prepared for the real world when they turn 18. Teens have a certain way of viewing the world. Their minds are set in almost a dream world where they think they are untouchable. When they are finally on their own the harshness of reality sets in and a lot of teens do not know how to cope. American high school does not prepare our nations youth for the future that lies ahead of them. That is why I respect the Chinese culture so much because they prepare their children for success and the trials the world is ready to throw at them. I just wish America could follow suit.
ReplyDeleteI think everything is too easy for American teens. If you have seen how we studied and prepared for tests and exams.....even when we were little kids in elementary schools. Look at those poor little babies actually have classes that teach them how to answer questions for kindergarten entrance exams. And those poor parents line up outside prestigious school overnight just so they can get application forms for their babies. That's something I never envy the Chinese parents. I never had a chance to line up for both my kids. I think they still end up sort of OK. Ha ha ha!
ReplyDeleteYup, Americans raise children for independence and self-reliance; Chinese for dependency and group and family-focus. Americans' pattern has a higher success/failure rate cuz it's all on the individual; chinese share the highs and lows more. More emotional stability in one vs. the other.
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